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a thing in the past

It’s been almost a month since a terrible incident happened. It was expected to happen, but still unexpected in such a way that something I thought would be forever would be lost in an instant. 

Hitting rock bottom at this age makes me realize how far I’ve become. Moving on is never easy. Truth is, I haven’t even scratched the surface (I think). There are some who are happy for me that it happened so I could move on with my life. They are so positive that this is the start for me to finally become happy. How come they are still so positive in the middle of this fiasco? I guess they’re seeing something in me that I don’t see. They have faith in me that I can do this and that I’m bound to do great things. 

I admit I’ve lost myself. I’ve drowned myself with the thought of living a good life with the love of my life. It didn’t occur to me that things could change because people change. It’s high time I rebuild my life while I still have the opportunity, get myself back on track, and achieve things I have always wanted to achieve. 

I’m shouting this to the universe, with God with me great things are about to happen. May I never commit the same stupid mistakes again. 

The only way to get through it is to get through it.
When people ask me how I get through the day when I’m in a dark place, I am left with nothing to say. So, I guess that’s the answer. We don’t have special powers that enable us to have a temporary amnesia or something. We just don’t want our problems to get in the way when we know that we’re still breathing because there’s still hope regardless how vulnerable the situation is and how much threshold we have hanging by the thread.

During a life crisis, a friend once told me, “do something that will make you happy..” I answered, “the thing that makes me happy is falling apart..what if the only source of my happiness has been gone?”

Everything seems so dark and grey. I miss seeing different colors that add more life to living. Everything I hoped for and prayed has fallen apart. I held on to something too tight, but I’m about to end up losing what I’ve been trying to save. 

Will I make this another breaking point of my life, or should I be brave enough and make this my turning point (finally)?

Letting go of my main source of happiness will never be easy, but holding on to it keeps me unhappy. 

Mr. Imperfect

One day I hope to meet an imperfect man who will seem perfect to me from time to time.

He will not be the best I have ever met, but he will be great when I need him to be. He will hold my hand when we cross the street and make sure I stay on the safe side of the road. He will kiss me goodnight before I go to sleep, and he will kiss me torridly when I don’t want to sleep. He will wake me up with a pat on my leg and once in a while surprise me with breakfast in bed. He will argue with me, taunt me, frustrate me, but he will also let me win without having to tell me.

He will cradle me when I need to be babied, respect me when I need to feel big, and scold me when I make a big mistake. He will sing to me when quiet makes me lonely, and remain quiet when noise makes me mad. He will not always read me correctly, but he will always make his best guess. His timing will often be off when calculating my moods, but when he does find that perfect moment, he will make it one that I will never forget.

He will touch me when my heart is cold and cool me down when my head is hot. He will see through my Tupperware expressions and detect my tears before they fall. He will understand many things I am saying with my eyes, but sometimes he will pretend he doesn’t see them at all. He will hurt me time and again, but he will ask to be forgiven just as often. He will lose his temper because he is human, but he will always strive to become a better man.

He will falter and fall and make mistakes, but he will also rise above himself. He will hold open a door for me, although sometimes he will forget. He will order me around, but will bow when I resist. He will take me to a bar, dance with me, go wild with me, but he will also escort me to the theater to watch a play he never really wanted to see.

He will go shopping with me, but he will roll his eyes only when I am inside the fitting room, not when I can see him. He will stand by me at the cosmetics corner, and pretend he’s not bothered by the shade of purple I am trying on. He will laugh at me, not just with me, to remind me not to take myself too seriously.

He will tell me the whole truth when I am ready for it, but he will be ready with his half-truths when that’s what I should hear. He will make me realize that I need him, but only up to half as much as he needs me. He will make me admit that I want him, but only after he professes how he feels about me. He will bring out the best and the worst in me, but he will stick with me always.

By: Georgina Angsanto (Inquirer)


Been feeling like in the state of oblivion, I feel like I’m everywhere wandering and just floating. There are many things going on in my mind, and I haven’t had enough time to contemplate. With a lot of noise in my life that’s been keeping my mind busy, everything has been so chaotic. I need to find my center again. 

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